Ink Stained Soul…

There are places we never hide. 
Music and flesh. 
Souls that speak everything without saying words. 
A language so sacred there is no place to hide its truth. 

Vibrations course through us so intricately 
that our souls dance and our bodies follow. 

The world would be so dark without music. 
Without touching each other. 
Without you and I. 

From stardust to silver threads. 
Moonlight and sunlight. 
Warm and glowing. 
Power and softness. 

A dance ancient and sacred. 
That is us.

We know the famous tale. 
Wait long enough 
and they’ll see you. 
Choose you. 

It starves. 
It’s familiar. 

But no one tells the tale that follows. 
The one born in horror. 

The one who never believed 
you’d leave. 

This is the one that breaks bones. 
The one who waited. 
The one who loved with both hands. 
Hope on their skin. 
Loyalty in their blood. 

Rare. 
Life-changing. 

Lose that 
and a man walks the earth 
already dead. 

Lose someone who never chose you 
and you learn to choose yourself. 
You rise. 

While they 
begin to disappear.

I know what I must do. 
In truth, I have known for a while. 

My head and heart were at war. 
But harming another goes against my very nature. 

This time with myself — 
learning the depths of my entirety — 
illuminated the path. 

Choices are required. 
I bled enough. 
I finally faced the truth. 

We both must live with the memories of those choices. 
I accept them. 

I choose to surrender. 
You can carry the weight. 
I’m free.

It was the way he kissed his way from my neck down my spine to the curve of my ass, I knew I was with a man in control.
Hands that could kill, yet grabbing with gentle force. Eyes, watching me. Studying my breath and moans. He was locked in on his prey. Slick. Every part of me obeying his touch. Fisting my hair in a way that felt dangerously safe in his presence. Moving me, any way he wanted. My hips, guided by his strength. When I have no energy left in my own body, he becomes my protector with his care. Somehow,I melted more.

I have never been more me.
Writing new chapters with my body, with my time, with my embracing every thing I love. The ache doesn’t have a constant home inside me. That scar on my heart that feels like a claw carving into my chest, it doesn’t haunt me as often. My breathing easier now as I have found a way to live.

You stole my motherhood.
The joy of being safe in the tender moments of building the legacy of my children.
I say my children, because a father would never truly do this.
We were all your victims.
You stole time.
You caused so much damage.
The best thing you ever did was be part of creating my babies and finally leaving us alone so I could raise them solely.
Under me they have healed so much.
We all have.
Safe.
Love lives in our walls.
I did that.

All the kings horses and all the kings men couldn’t put me back together…
But I could.
I started over with nothing but myself and my kids. I hadn’t worked in a decade but built by getting an education while raising disabled children. While being their voice, caretaker, cook, and complete support system. I
Got myself out of abuse.
I watched people I chose walk away from me over and over.
Bleeding on the ground with a broken heart.
I sat in it.
Felt it,
Honored it.
Turned my pain into art.
Created places for all my love to go.
Built something others can use to find their selves in their grief.
I became the lover of my own life.
Piece by piece, I reassembled.
I found the light in my darkness.
I kept my heart soft and open.
I learned how much love was capable of being enough.
I didn’t need to be chosen because every single act I put into myself was a choice. I had chosen to love myself.

Warmth, beautiful warmth embracing me.
The sun kissing my skin.
Gentle as a lover.
Holding me, sacred and protective.
Fire and fury.
Cascading the brilliance of ancient healing upon my soul.
Giving reverence to the sun, with it’s ability to cast light over my entire being.
Glorious as the moon that cast light on the darkness.
Holding secrets like oaths.
The breeze, grass, and sand woven pieces that tie the elements of wholeness together with the water that calls to me.
Nature.
Solstice.
Wild freedom that screams in my bones.

Basking in your presence makes me able to breathe.
Myself, whole.
Thats what it gives me.
I’m in awe of you.
Your wit, humor.
The kindness in your actions.
How you gently indulge in my thighs, then fiercely take me.
Yours.
Always yours.
Time does nothing about this fact.
We have danced this dance for so many moons and it remains true.
Nothing is you and I.
The only change is the bond is so deep that we actually don’t have our own seperate beginning and ending.
Two fused together so intricately. The man that kisses me, places a pillow under my head as his pulls me closer,buries himself in me in the early hours one last time before I must go, and the man I laugh with. He belongs to me as much as I belong to him. We are more than most people can comprehend. Accepting, understanding, and appreciating living beside friendship,love, and passion. Wildly supportive and protective. Inextinguishable.
That is Us.

This is what I know to be true, I belong to you.
That has been true since the day you kissed me. I was yours in that very instance.
Time, others in your bed, other relationships, hurt, silence, jealousy… None of those things has made that fundamental fact disappear. My tears, anger, nothing makes my heart not pull to you. Yours, I have been yours. Always yours. You are mine. No one can touch the places you guard and yet I am there inside your chest. The one you cant shake, the one you can’t let go of, the one no one else can measure up too. The chasing to fill only what I can give. And I do I give with the ease of breathing. The one you love and hate that makes you not stable as you are in every other area of life. Me, the emotion that leaves your logic in shambles. I am your always, I am your prayer you gave up on. The hope you never believed would exist. We are more. We are terrified and yet we are each others loves. Lovers, partners, friends, mirrors. Time only being stalled, because we already belong to each other in our hearts and souls. As the snow quiets the earth it becomes our time to fall together.
Mine,
Yours,
Always…